When is the Right Time to Move to a Senior Living Community?

When It Comes to Senior Living or Assisted Living, Timing is Everything

This “Aging with Grace” article was written by Jennifer Sanders and published in the Catholic Advance, The Official Newspaper of the Diocese of Wichita.

TIMING. . . how many things in your life have been dictated by timing? Maybe you wouldn’t have met your spouse if you hadn’t decided at the last minute to tag along with a friend to a party. Maybe you wouldn’t have landed your dream job if you hadn’t been in a certain place at a certain time. So often, we think about timing and how we can perfectly time the events of our day and the course of our life. The funny thing about this is that we aren’t really in control; what seems like “luck” that we went to that party is really just God’s perfect timing.

The topic of timing and how you know when it’s time to consider making the move to a retirement community was suggested to me by a gentleman who recently joined our campus family with his wife. I had the pleasure of visiting with them several times before they joined us, and each time we would tour a patio home, they would ask how do you really know it’s time to move? That’s certainly the million-dollar question, and I simply shared with them that they will know, and they’d go home to pray about it and get back with me. When they finally chose their home, they had such peace and were able to enjoy the excitement of their new adventure because they truly trusted in God and knew the time was right.

Believe me, I am the last person who is qualified to offer advice on the topic of trusting God’s timing and not trying to control the outcome of each day, but every day I try to do a little better. Even the chance that I should run across this gentleman was an example of His perfect timing. At the last minute, I hosted a table at the front entrance of our community for a job fair because the team members originally assigned were unavailable. I’m not great at sitting still, and my initial thought was of all the things that I needed to be doing besides sitting at this table, but we have a great team, and we jump in where needed. This revision in my schedule allowed me to catch up with our new resident, talk with a guest who was visiting a friend on our campus, and cheer on several residents who were out working with therapy, walking the halls. It was so energizing for me to be “forced” to slow down and enjoy these interactions.

What Does That Mean in Terms of Senior Living?

It means prayerfully considering your unique situation and the opportunities available to you. I truly believe if you open your mind and your heart, you will know what to do. Sometimes people do join us under circumstances that don’t allow them a lot of choice, and it might not have been how they would have preferred to make the move. The people who have the best experience are the ones that try and discern God’s will for them and embrace, even when it is hard to do, what and where they have been called.

Our former Catholic Care Center Chaplain, Father Andy Kuykendall, used to come to the doorway of my office and tease me as I was attempting to figure out which homes and apartments would be best for the people who’ve decided to move here. He would laugh and tell me I was wasting my time and energy trying to play this imaginary chess game because I wasn’t in control of any of it. He was of course right, and I’ve shared this wisdom with many of our prospective residents and families. Countless times over the years the admissions team and I have lamented a prospect who didn’t accept the invitation we made to join us, only to receive a call that someone else had a time sensitive need of making a move and we wouldn’t have had anywhere to welcome them if the first invitation had been accepted.

Things to Consider for Senior Living, Assisted Living, or Independent Living in a Wichita Retirement Community

Letting go, and trusting God’s timing doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand and waiting for a lightning strike, but it does mean honestly assessing the situation and praying for guidance and direction. Here are some things to consider that may help guide you in your discernment:

• Am I truly living a full and productive life? Sometimes people are “getting by” at home, but are they really living? Do they have opportunities for spiritual, social, physical, and intellectual wellness and engagement?
• Am I creating an undue burden on family and friends? We all need help from time to time, and the blessing of having people in our lives that love and care for us is incredible. When does that help become a daily chore or more than the average person can manage without it negatively impacting their own health and situation?
• If my ability to care for myself changes abruptly, do I have a plan in place to deal with this change? One of the greatest advantages of living in a community is that you have access to more care options if you need them in the future.

Our mantra for years has been to “come before you need to” because being in greater health, physically and cognitively, will allow you to better acclimate to the new community and enjoy your time. We also know that sometimes we are called to do things that initially we don’t want to do, remember the job fair table?? Are you being called to join a community and share your unique gifts and talents?

There are a lot of things to consider when trying to decide the best timing to join a senior living community, but the best news is that none of us are making that decision alone. Pray about it, and you will find peace when the time is right according to His plan, not ours.